Saudade is a word in Portuguese and Galician that has no direct translation in English. It describes a deep emotional state of nostalgic or profound melancholic longing for an absent something or someone that one loves. Moreover, it often carries a repressed knowledge that the object of longing may never return.
This is often how I feel about Nigeria. I long for life to go back to the way it was when I was twelve. I was young and oblivious to the dangers that surrounded me. I had friends and family in a country that felt more like home than my passport country. I do not know which is worse, longing for something you cannot have or a feeling like you are missing out on something.
As a third-culture kid, I do not feel like I have a home country, but I also feel like I missed out on something in my childhood. I understand that I am unique and privileged to have had those experiences of living in a different culture, learning about people and trying new things. I have a broader view of the world, and understand the poverty and brilliance of the world.
Life is not meant to simply to be lived, but rather experienced. i know I have some unique baggage from moving so much, and leaving friends behind, but I do not regret my life or the choices I have made. They have shaped me into who I am.
I am a NOMAD.
I am a restless spirit.
I understand airports.
I speak more than one language.
I can establish relationships quickly. I aspire to have deep relationships.
I have had a privileged life.
I converse well with people, but often cannot talk to people my age.
I adapt well and quickly to unfamiliar countries and people.
I live more in the PRESENT.
I am an excellent observer of other people.
These qualities and characteristics are only some of the things that my past has given me. I still sometimes envy people who have had a stable background and who have lived in one spot their whole life. They know who they are and where they come from. They do not have to wonder where they belong in the grand scheme of life.