I get to tell you of God’s faithfulness. Last fall, I was living the dream. I was just starting out on my own. I got my first job as a nurse. I was figuring out how to do this whole being an adult thing. I thought I had life kind of figured out.
In December, I was simply visiting my best friend in Ashland and planning her wedding. On Saturday, December 17th, I was heading home for a short time. It was foggy and icy. I don’t know what exactly happened, but I turned in front of another car on St. Rt. 30. I was hit on the left side, and it’s a miracle that I survived. The car was totaled, and I sustained several major injuries. My left ankle and pelvis were shattered. My bladder was ruptured, and I also had a brain injury. I was taken to Medcentral and ultimately transferred to Grant Hospital in Columbus. I had surgery on my leg, pelvis and bladder.
On the scan they did in the Emergency room, they saw damage on my liver and spleen. Since they were already opening me up to repair my bladder, they checked my liver and spleen. There was nothing on them! One of the many miracles God did. It was touch and go for a while. My parents didn’t know how extensive my brain injury was or if I would qualify for rehab. I did qualify for rehab, and I only spent 3 weeks in rehab. Slowly, but surely, I am getting better. I still have a long way to go, but I’m making progress.
I didn’t plan on this season but I’ve seen God move in every area. I am reading this book titled “Detours” by Tony Evans. The thing about detours is they are inconvenient, unwelcome, time-consuming, and surprising, but you still get where you are going. This season is a detour. I had so many other plans, but I’m here now. I could choose to have an attitude of discontentment, of anger, and of frustration, or I can choose to be content where I am and look for joy in the apparent chaos. I’m learning to trust God more. Last summer, I worried about getting a job, passing my NCLEX, and finding an apartment. Those now seem trivial because God spared my life. Recovery could have gone so differently. It is going to take a long time, but they are hopeful for a full recovery.
I met Jesus years ago as a tiny tot, but the relationship has ebbed and flowed over the years. Recently, as I sought him more deeply, I discovered his heart for people and me. Through this season, I am learning to seek Him more deeply. In my insecurities, in my imperfections, in my anxieties, and in my weariness, I am learning that I am enough. I didn’t have to be perfect to earn His love. I could just be me with him. I realized that my insecurities were lies that Satan had pushed to the forefront of my mind to distract me from who I was and where I was going. I allowed him to distract me. I allowed him to feed me the lies that I began to believe about myself and my future. I allowed him to steal my happiness until God sought me out and reminded me where I belong.
Somehow, in my distance, God continued to remind me that I am his beloved. His Beloved. Those are words that have been spoken over me my entire life. I know what the words mean in my head, but it has been a struggle to truly know the words as they are written on my heart. Recently, as I allow the truth of God’s word to diffuse over my soul, He has whispered the words “You are loved” over and over again. You are loved in your imperfections—because I am perfect. You are loved in your weakness—because I am strong. You are loved in your fears—because I am the Prince of Peace. You are loved in strengths—because I created you in my image. As I sought my Savior, I allowed the depth and reality of his actions on the cross to remind me of the breath of his love for me. I do not deserve God’s unwavering love, but I am learning to accept it and allow his opinion to dictate my actions. Slowly, I am learning not to let my insecurities hold me back from being brave. I have many people around me—supporting me—but in my head, it’s only me and Jesus.
Recently, I came across a blog that I had written before graduation when everything was uncertain. In it, I wrote, “Uncertainly, I approach the feet of the God who orchestrates my life. I lay my ready made plans at His feet. Tattered and worn from being pulled out and constantly reworked to fit my needs, they clatter to the ground. My hopes. My plans. My dreams. My future. Trust me. He whispers as He gathers up my well-organized plans in his arms. I watch as He takes my dreams and plans and puts them aside. Trust me. I have a plan for you. I offer an uncertain yes.”
I don’t know what the future hold, but I have to trust that God is good and His plan for me is ultimately good.
Fearless at Heart 