Still Trying

Mental health is health.

Since it’s Mental Health Awareness Month, I’ve been paying even closer attention to mine—and if I’m being honest, this year has been really hard.

I want to be real with you.

I went from firing on all cylinders… to barely doing anything… back to full speed… and then to a complete stop. It’s been a whirlwind, and right now, I’m struggling to just be still.

There’s so much I feel like I should be doing, but anxiety keeps creeping in—telling me that every step forward might make things worse. Sometimes my mind spirals into wondering if this is just my life now… if I’ll always feel limited like this.

And the hardest part?
I know these thoughts aren’t true.
But knowing that doesn’t make them quieter—it sometimes makes me harder on myself for having them at all.

Thoughts that I’m worthless.
That I’m letting people down.
That I’m just seeking attention.

And layered underneath those are the familiar ones:
I’m not enough. No one really loves me.

Add in too much time and not enough to fill it, and it becomes a heavy place to sit in.

I don’t even fully understand why I broke my leg the first time—let alone the second. But I do know this:

God isn’t afraid of my thoughts.
And these thoughts don’t get the final say.

A wise woman once told me:
You can’t stop a bird from flying over your head, but you can stop it from building a nest there.

So I’m practicing that.
I notice the thought… and I let it pass.

Some days that feels doable.

Some days, like lately, it feels really hard.

But I’m still trying.

And maybe that counts for something. 

God honors that. God meets me here.