Tag: community

Habits of Grace

Posted on by fearlessatheart

The early church started simply—radically simple as believers met together, lived life together and shared what they had to meet the needs of the people around them.

In the book of Acts, the early church consisted of a small house, in a small city, in a small country to be the place God first sent His Holy Spirit. The church consisted of everyday people who were simply willing to be the hands and feet of Jesus by receiving His Spirit. Christ worked through Peter’s sermon that first day, spreading the gospel so that thousands heard the good news (Acts 2:14-40). That first sermon spread the gospel beyond the influence of the small circle like a holy ripple effect, as the Holy Spirit empowered each new believer to live transformed doing revolutionary things like selling everything to meet the needs of the people around them, and doing life with other sinners around them. The early church, through the Holy Spirit, learned to do life together in simple, intentional, and gracious ways.

The Spirit moved in ways that they could only imagine. The gospel continued to spread through the region regardless of the opposition that it received. Stephen, boldly, stepped out and challenged the generational idols. He lived by the Spirit to the point that as he was arrested and stoned, He proclaimed Christ. He continued to preach his guts out for the glory of God. He did not stop telling the world about the truth with his last breath.

Neither did the early church. The most common reaction to a tragedy like that would be to withdraw and allow emotions to settle down.

The Church did not back down. They continued to share the truth about Jesus regardless of the persecution they received from all sides. In their humanity, they could have recoiled and retreated after the tragedy. Instead, they were committed to love others for the sake of Christ without regard for their own lives. They proudly professed their faith wherever they went.

Thus, the gospel spread. The church scattered but not running to hide, rather it propelled them out to share the gospel in every corner of the world. Like a wave in the oceans, person after person impacted the communities they were placed in, and the gospel spread like wildfire to the ends of the earth.

The Christians did not simply wait for the Pharisees and opposition to challenge them, before they chose Jesus. They made Jesus and the gospel the most important thing in their life. They made the decision to follow Him all or nothing before they were placed in the situation to choose.

You do not simply decide to do something and immediately become good at it, rather you put in the time and effort into preparing, learning and training.

It is like a marathon. You do not simply go out one day and decide to run a marathon.

If you do, you will fail.

You train slowly over time, building up endurance, stamina, and speed.

You train and prepare to succeed.

Benjamin Franklin wrote, “By failing to prepare, you are preparing to fail”. No truer words have ever been spoken.

Could you say now you would do if someone told you to deny Christ and die, like Stephen? The common response made by people today is “I hope I would….,” or “I believe that I would…., but one can’t know for sure until placed in that situation”.

The reality is that you can decide now.

You decide today what decision you will make at that moment when you are asked to lay your life down for the one who died on the cross for you.

It is a daily decision. One in which you choose Jesus day in and day out-practicing a habit of grace-living our daily lives as a testimony to the Holy Spirit inside us.

We choose to love the people around us. We invest in the people God has placed us in the vicinity of-choosing to do life with them. Bravely choosing to invest in the messiness of what it means to be a human living in community with other sinful humans.

Here is where grace comes in.

Grace. The realization that we are sinners and do not deserve the unmerited favor placed on us by the Creator of the universe.

But accepting the grace extended to us means we can be used by God throughout the simple actions of everyday life.

The grace extended by God to us today allows us to live into the same power of the Holy Spirit that the early church embraced. We can choose to live into the vast amount of untapped treasure we have at our disposal.

God still moves in vast ways today as we choose to enjoy getting to know Jesus, our loving Savior.

The reality is that is in the daily devotions, the prayer, and the fellowship with Jesus and others where you develop the habit of choosing Jesus in the small moments. You begin slowly building and deepening the relationship with simple habits of grace.

Vulnerability.

Posted on by fearlessatheart

Vulnerability. Community.

These words are used so often in resident life at Christian colleges that they begin to lose their meaning. We say things like “build community”, “be vulnerable and open”, and “facilitate community”.

Do we really know what we are asking for when we say these buzz words?

Vulnerability and community are incredible and beautiful aspects of belonging to a group of people. I have been blessed to be a part of a group that consistently reminds me of the value of these qualities. I’m not afraid to tell them if I’m having a bad day or I’m struggling keeping my thoughts positive.

“Vulnerability is not weakness, and the uncertainty, risk, and emotional exposure we face every day are not optional. Our only choice is a question of engagement. Our willingness to own and engage with our vulnerability determines the depth of our courage and the clarity of our purpose; the level to which we protect ourselves from being vulnerable is a measure of our fear and disconnection.”
― Brené Brown

As humans, we believe that showing people our true selves—our hurts, our desires, our passions, our insecurities—reflects that we are weak. In modern society, sharing our emotions is weak, and weakness of any sort is unacceptable. We try so hard to hide the messiness of our lives behind a thin-lipped smile or stifled laugh. We play pretend.

The reality is that vulnerability requires bravery. We are not weak when we share this part of ourselves with others. The part we hide behind our façade of “I’m OK. I’m tired. I’m busy”. These are safe answers when we do not desire to share our heart with other people. They are barriers that we need to put up because we cannot share our deepest desires and darkest secrets with every random person with whom we come into contact with.

Choosing to be vulnerable is risky and scary, but so much more rewarding than I could ever imagine. It opens the door for significant conversations about real life—the triumphs, the trials, the hurts. The very definition of the word vulnerable means “capable of or susceptible to being wounded or hurt, open to assault, or difficult to depend”. When we become vulnerable with other people, we are choosing to enter into this place where we open up our hearts and lives to the point where we can get hurt. This place of unknown emotions where we share our souls with other individuals. I have been challenged this semester to be real, genuine and vulnerable with the people God has placed in my life.

My default setting is to simply assume that everyone could disappear because I have moved so many times. As a result, it is hard to be vulnerable and open with people because the more I open up, the greater the possibility of hurt.

The reality is that I can avoid getting hurt by putting up barriers, but what would I miss out on?

Deep conversations about God at 3 am.

Watching God reveal strengths in my life that others point out to me through my weakness.

Accepting that I am broken so that people can see God as he works in my life.

Sharing songs that speak to my heart with a dear friend.

Sharing my story with people who truly listen.

Reflecting God’s vision of community as we forgive and love each other in our brokenness.

As I challenge myself to be audacious, I decided to choose vulnerability.

To share my heart’s story with my closest friends. To speak the truth in love. To reveal pieces of myself in layers. To not hide behind the masks I put up to protect my heart.

The more I hide behind our masks, the more hurt I become because I feel truly alone in this big, challenging world. Sometimes, all it takes is realizing that someone else struggles with the same vices or doubts. We all have wounds. We all have hurts that cause us pain. There lies that deep-seeded loneliness that emerges in the midst of every success, the feeling of worthlessness that hides behind every accomplishment, and the meaninglessness that sneaks up on the good days which causes us to seek validation in human company, not God.

When you choose to be vulnerable, you allow people to enter into the story of God’s redemption in your life.

We do not feel so alone.

The Christian walk is not one that we can do by ourselves. We need to be surrounded by people who encourage us in our journey, who move us closer to God, and challenge us to keep trusting in God’s timing.

Vulnerability is a choice that is make every day as I choose to take off my mask and simply be a broken person loving broken people.

Work. Rest. Repeat.

Posted on by fearlessatheart

Rest.

This is a word that most people hate because it eludes the idea of unproductivity.

In the “going…going…gone” mentality of society today, it appears lazy to rest and take time for yourself.

Selfish even.

I have learned though, that rest is not a bad word, in fact, it is necessary for life.

God rested. Why shouldn’t I?

What is keeping me from taking time out of my busy schedule to refresh my soul? What is stopping me from resting my body and soul from the craziness of work etc?

The answer was simple.

Nothing.

I offered up the excuses of “I am too busy.” and “Everything is important.”

But the bottom line is if I do not rest, I get burnt out and then all my hard work being productive is for naught because I crash and burn.

Burnt out, I become a shell of a being striving, but failing to thrive.

Since my accident, I’ve realized the value of rest. Normal people, when they are tired, can push through and still get things do. I can’t. When I’m tired, my injuries get more pronounced. My voice slurs, my limp gets worse, and I get double vision. I NEED to schedule in rest, which is sometimes frustrating. I want to do everything, but I realize that I cannot.

Recently, I allowed myself to believe the lies that I was okay. I could handle anything life threw at me.

I could not.

Unconsciously, I stressed myself out with needing to be everything to everybody, and the people closest to me receive the brunt of my jaded sarcasm because I was not caring for myself well.

I was growing and being challenged by God, but I was not allowing time for my soul to relax and truly absorb all the wise and wonderful things He was teaching me.

This past weekend, I chose rest.

I chose sleep.

I chose to soak in the sun.

I chose to refresh my soul, allowing God and inspiring friends to pour into my soul.

Rested, I am more productive and energized because I am not stressed out and sleep deprived.

Scheduling in rest periods or Sabbath time will not be easy as life happens, but the practice of taking time out of my daily or weekly schedule to remind myself that I am valued, loved and cherished by the Creator of the Universe will benefit me in the long run.

By taking time out of my week, I remind myself that my identity is not found in all that I can accomplish.

The catch to taking a Sabbath is that the time that I devote to checking items off a list needs to be effective and useful. If not, I get stuck in the rest/rush cycle that is just as exhausting as working around the clock.

Rested and refreshed, I am reminded that I need to continue to find time to sit at the feet of the Creator.

When God Changes Your Dreams

Posted on by fearlessatheart

“God surpasses our dreams when we reach past our personal plans and agenda to grab the hand of Christ and walk the path he chose for us. He is obligated to keep us dissatisfied until we come to him and his plan for complete satisfaction.”
― Beth Moore

It is so easy to try and do things my way.

The most common questions I get asked these days are “What are you doing now?” or “What’s next?”

These questions challenge me to think about what I am doing? Where I am going?

But, in reality, it is not about me.

It is about God.

What is God’s will for my life?

I have no idea what I am even going to do this year?

I have no plans.

That is terrifying…..

And exciting.

I have a general idea where I would like to end up doing, but I have no clue what the next step is. For some reason though, I do not need to know. I felt a peace.

I knew deep down that God, the author of my dreams and desires, would be able to organize my life. My job is to simply take the next right step, whatever that may be.

Your Will Done Your Way.

I can’t seem to get these words out of my head. I tend to feel more anxious when I try to follow my way.

My Will Done My Way.

That is often the way I want to run things. The problem is that things often go COMPLETELY wrong!

Somehow, I think I am going in the right direction or doing things the right way, but often I find that my way is not working.

Your Will Done Your Way.

There is a lot of unknowns this year such as jobs, therapy, and life. But the awesome thing, is that no matter what I do, God has got it. He holds everything in His capable hands.

When I graduated college, I was convinced that pediatric hematology/oncology was where I was called. I was fascinated by genetic blood disorders and desired to research them overseas. Now, my desires have changed a little. While I still think that would be interesting and needed, I’m thinking about rehab nursing now. Never in a million years would I have considered it before, but now it’s on my mind. I know what it’s like to be in rehab. I know how frustrating it is when you’re thinking really hard, but your body isn’t cooperating. I can relate because I’ve been there.

It’s funny how God changes our dreams. It’s not about me—it’s about God’s love for the whole world.

Sometimes, we think that if we give God our desires, passions, and wants, then he will trick us and give us something we don’t want.

That is the opposite of what he does.

He places passions, gifts and talents in my hearts and lives for a specific purpose.

He CREATED us for a specific purpose.

He may reveal his will for my lives in small amounts, and it may look different than I initially plan it to be.

God is in the business of creating dreams and changing them to fit His passion for loving the world.

Ultimately, his plan is infinitely greater than anything that I could dream up.

I mean, he is the CREATOR OF THE UNIVERSE!

“It is about the greatness of God, not the significance of man. God made man small and the universe big to say something about himself.”
— John Piper

Relentless Love

Posted on by fearlessatheart

“God so loved the world that he sent his only begotten son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life”

John 3:16

This verse in John is used quite frequently when people are sharing the gospel with others. The whole verse proclaims that God loved the world SO incredibly much that He choose to send His son to take our place.

Think about those first words. “For God so loved the world”.

God loves us. The world.

It doesn’t say:

God loves the Christians who go to church every Sunday.

God loves the perfectionists who follow every single one of His rules.

God loves the people who drink fair trade coffee and buy bracelets made by women escaping sex trafficking.

It says: God so loved the world. The whole world.

The 7.125 billion people that inhabit space on this earth.

God loves every single one.

Not that any of those statements are wrong, but often times we have a narrow view of God’s love as we interact with people.

God loves the person that cut you off in traffic this morning on your way to church.

God loves the roommate that you just simply can’t stand.

God loves the person who disagrees with your political stance.

God loves the homeless man you see holding the sign on the side of the highway exit.

God loves the Muslim man who died saving a group of Christians in Kenya.

God loves the thousands of refugees escaping oppression in their home lands.

God loves the world.

God sent His son to die for these people.

Since God loves relentlessly, who are we to judge and condemn others? We are not the ones who decides whether someone is worthy of God’s love or not. That is not our role. We are not called to be judges and condemners of other people’s worth in the Kingdom of God. We are simply called to love God, love others, and make disciples. This means living a life glorifying of God and sharing the love of God with the people around you.

I was recently convicted of this idea of continually seeing others the way God sees them.

Valuable and precious in his sight.

God loved us at our darkest moment (Romans 5:8). Why is it so hard sometimes to believe that God can love others at their darkest moments as well?

Jesus died for the 7.125 billion people currently inhabiting the Earth and billions of people that came before us and will come after us.

Jesus died for the whole earth regardless of beliefs, actions, opinions, mistakes, nationality, and religion.

He died for the whole earth, not just a select few people.

We have all been extended grace by God. Grace beyond our imaginings can fall into our open hands.

The choice now is to choose to accept the grace extended by God, and to choose to view this broken and messed up world through His eyes.

God continues to love us with a relentless, matchless love, so we should share that love with the world.

Waiting

Posted on by fearlessatheart

Waiting.

This simple word causes many people to wince because it is associated with hard times. It is often associated with moments of disappointment or things that we want but can’t have yet.

Waiting.

There is an art of living life fully while trusting that God has a plan for you. Patience is not a virtue that I possess in any capacity. I do not like to wait for things in life, especially when I know that it is something good and worthwhile.

Remember when you were a child, waiting for Christmas day. Remember the expectations and excitement as you lay in bed thinking about the presents under the tree.

The shapes.

The noises.

The surprises.

Remember how you jumped out of bed and ran downstairs on Christmas morning because the awaited time had come.

That feeling is one of the most exciting and frustrating feelings to have.

Expectations.

Excitement.

Waiting.

Waiting for God, the Creator who breathed stars into existence, to reveal aspects of his magnificent plan.

Waiting for that next right step to take in a situation that is sticky and messy.

Waiting for that wonderful man to ride in on his white horse, or possibly a turtle, depending on how long he takes.

Waiting for those dreams, those deep, heartfelt passions, to begin to unfold in a beautiful and holy way.

As a result of this waiting, we spend a lot of time praying to God because we desire to live life completely and utterly in His will.

I was recently challenged to use this time of waiting to prepare. The first thought I had was, “Prepare for what?” I have no idea what I am supposed to be doing with this time, so how am I supposed to be prepared.

Sometimes, it feels like I am blindly preparing for a future that could go in any direction. How can I be prepared for every possible situations? What can I do in my season of waiting to keep myself from going incredibly crazy balancing the excitement of knowing?

Waiting does not mean that I am useless or stuck, it simply means that I am waiting. I can still move to further God’s kingdom in the moment. Sarah Bessey writes, “It’s a scary thing, a life-changing, paradigm-shifting thing, to honestly ask yourself this question: Am I moving with God to rescue, restore, and redeem humanity? Or am I clinging fast, eyes closed, teeth clenched, to an imperfect world’s habits and cultural customs, in full knowledge of injustice or imperfections, living at odds with God’s dream for his daughters and sons?”

Sometimes, I get so caught up in the frustration of hearing “Wait” from God that I forget to act. I forget to continue to play my part in the story God is writing for humanity. I am a small blip on in the story, but, as I wait, I should not forget where I am.

As I wait for my brain to heal, there are things I need to be doing to help make that happen. In the same way, as I wait for God to move in my life, I need to be continually seeking His will, and loving others as God loves me. Sometimes, I need to take that leap and take steps toward where God is leading as I wait for Him to reveal Himself step by step.

As I continue to wait on God, I desire to use this time to grow into the woman He is molding me into.

18 Things I Desire for 2018

Posted on by fearlessatheart

A new year brings a new beginning and a fresh start. As this New Year begins, I am starting to think about what I want for this New Year. What do I want this year to be about? As I prayed about what I want for this year, two words came to mind: Fearless and Expectation. These words have played a part in my journey during this past year, and I believe they have a role to play in the year coming up. I made a list of things that I desire for the year ahead as I incorporate these words into my life. I am not talking about New Year’s Resolutions, we tend to think that we will not complete our resolutions. They are normally just stated to help us feel good about our plans for the New Year. The idea behind what I want out of this year is growth and adventure. I want these items to contribute to how I interact with others and God.

Cross at least one item off of my bucket list

Life is meant for good friends and great adventures. The adventures of this new year comes from taking chances, stepping out of my comfort zone. In the spirit of being brave, I desire to take new adventures and check things off of my bucket list. Sometimes you have to allow yourself to pursue the things that you want, even if it just to say you did

Make new friends and deepen friendships.

2017 overflowed with new friendships, and I want 2018 to expand those relationships and make new friends throughout my adventures. Charles Swindoll writes, “I cannot even imagine where I would be today were it not for that handful of friends who have given me a heart full of joy. Let’s face it, friends make life a lot more fun”. I do not know where I would be without the amazing friends I have and the ones I made this year. There is a moment when you meet someone and something clicks. You become friends, and they impact your life in ways you never thought of. This year I strive to be more vulnerable with the friends in my life. Inviting the people I love into my heart and life.

Be brave and expectant.

This appears general, but this word brave has been a theme for this year, and I want to continue to strive to step out in faith, being brave in the life God has given me. Brave (adj.) is defined as ready to face and endure danger or pain; showing courage. This is who I want to be. I want to be a brave and audacious woman who embraces life regardless of any fear. This does not mean I will never fear hard situations or trials, but I will approach the situation with courage and grace.This is a year of recovery and new things. I’m expecting that God will do great things this next year.

Embrace the life of freedom I have been given.

As a child of God, I have been given freedom. I am no longer a slave to fear, perfection, and insecurity. I can embrace life with an attitude of freedom because Christ had given me life. Freedom from fear and insecurity is something that I have been wrestling with over the past year. This year, I am choosing to live in that freedom and embrace the Creator of the Universe.

Learn to make each moment, good or bad, count.

The thing about living a brave and free life is that I want to make every moment count. I do not want to look back on this year and regret the past moments and missed opportunities. I desire to look back on my year and say, “Wow. What a year!” because of the relationships I made and the moments that I allowed myself to live, I mean, truly live. I want to live life to the fullest, as I take step out of my shadow and be brave with my decisions.

Be intentional with the people in my life.

As I am intentional with my conversations, I can invest in people’s lives. At the end of the day, accomplishments are amazing, and material possessions are nice, but relationships are the only things that we can take with us to Heaven. People matter.

Spend more time discovering who God is.

This new year is a new opportunity to spend time discovering the Creator of the Universe and me. My relationship with God is the most important relationship in my life. I desire to spend more time intentionally getting to know God and allowing him to love me. To love the places in my heart where my deepest insecurities and hopes lie. Beth Moore writes, “May God remind us daily—no matter what kind of obstacles we face—that we are loved and empowered by the One who brought the universe into existence with the mere sound of His voice. Nothing is impossible for Him”. As I get to know God and delve into His word, He continues to love and empower me. He pushes me out of my comfort zone into places that I never thought about, but that are so incredibly better than I could have planned.

Figure out what makes me tick, what I feel passionate about and delve further into it.

As I bravely and vulnerably surrender my time to Lord, He begins to show me glimpses of the woman he created me to be. I bravely try new things, develop new habits as I discover new interests. As I celebrate my twenties, I desire to use my time this year to discover new passions and bravely explore the place these passions interact with my life. Whether it is volunteering at a free clinic, helping with an afterschool program, or raising money for a cause halfway across the world, I desire for this year to be a defining year of me interacting with the lesser known passions and desires in my heart.

Cry unashamedly.

Crying signifies vulnerability, and I hate being vulnerable, truly vulnerable. This year, as I bravely become more vulnerable with the people around me, I give myself the freedom to cry. Not emotionally crying all the time, but to cry when I need to cry without being ashamed of tears. Sometimes, being strong means not holding back the tears but letting them fall.

Worry less about what people think.

I have tendency to be reserved and cautious because I am afraid of what others think of me. I selfishly think that they care about every little thing I do. The reality is that as I live in freedom I shake off the perceptions of other and the expectations I place on myself. The only expectations that matter are God’s.

Do one random act of kindness each month.

Kindness puts a smile on others faces. It is as simple as that.

Complain less.

Complaining is being ungrateful for what God has given me, as well as it can drive people away. It can taint the personality. I do not want to be known for complaining about things that I cannot do anything about.

Step out of my comfort zone.

This is one of the biggest things that I want to focus on changing about my life. I find that some of the most rewarding moments of my life happen when I step over that line into areas where I am unsure. I have to rely totally on God, and guess what? He always comes through with a life-changing experiences as I learn more about myself and my abilities with God by my side. We walk hand in hand as he guides me through life.

Continue to dream big.

This new year is a big year, I have dreams about travelling, and the perfect job. The idea is that these dreams are held loosely, but I still need to dream. I still need to allow myself to dream of the impossible, because my God is big enough to do anything. I should not put him in a box as I try to tell him the path I should go on.

Embrace and enjoy the little things of life

The small moments matter. The smiles. The breezes. The quiet. These little moments like holding hands, reading a book for fun, the reassurance that I am heading on the right path. These moments are not flashy moments, but rather they creep up into your life. You can miss the significance of the moments, if you are not paying attention.

Accept myself.

I am pretty, smart, awkward, quirky, organized, vivacious, entertaining, outspoken, and introverted. I am fiercely loyal to my friends. I have an obsession with colored pens and planners. I love reading. I am learning to accept myself exactly as God created me quirks and all.

Read 25 books.

This is my goal for this year-to fill my head with knowledge of the world around me. Books allow me to escape to a different place and time. They fill my head with information about life and the pursuit of happiness.

Learn a new recipe a week

I started loving to cook when I lived by myself, out of necessity. Now, I desire to develop that skill.

Daring to Hope 

Posted on by fearlessatheart

As many of you may know, I’m on the launch team for Katie Davis Majors’ new book, Daring to Hope: Finding God’s Goodness in the Broken and the Beautiful, that comes out October 3rd. I loved Kisses from Katie, so when I heard about this opportunity, I jumped on it. I spent the first 12 years of my life as a missionary kid, so Africa is my heart’s home.
This book couldn’t have come at a better time. Almost a year ago, my life changed drastically. I was in a car accident and almost died. Due to a brain injury, my life will never be the same. I wrestled a lot with God about His goodness and will. There are times where I didn’t see much good only hard things. Katie Davis Majors wrestles with many of the same questions swirling around in my brain.
Is God really good? Does He really love us? What do you do when God doesn’t show up in the way that you asked Him to?

These are questions that plague me. 

I wrestle with God, like Jacob with the angel. I pound my fists against His chest, crying “Why me? Why does everyone else’s life seem like they’re falling into place and mine looks like a mess? Why am I suffering, I have been a good person?” When I’m in the pits of despair, I wonder if God sees me. If He sees, how hard I am working. How much courage, just getting through the day, is taking? I grieve for who I was and the dreams I had. I wonder if God is even there.

Oftentimes, in the dry, hard places, when we don’t have a clue what God is doing, or even if He is there, He is drawing us to Himself the way He always intended.

“As I gazed at the rainbow, God whispered to me a deep truth. There is so much beauty to be found in a wound that is healed, in an unlikely friendship that is forged. There is much beauty to be found when the one we have nursed for hours and prayed for many more is healed and restored, or when the child we have faithfully advised and prayed for turns back to the Truth or any other happy ending. But there is also beauty to be found in sitting and praying by the bedside of an ill friend and holding her hand just before she slips away and looks into the face of Jesus. There is beauty to be found in the desperate and many-times-repeated unanswered prayers that have time and again ushered us to His feet. There is beauty to be found in a life poured out in faithfulness and obedience, no matter the circumstance. There is beauty to be found in the unlikely places, but in so many cases, we must be facing the storm to see it. Often, to behold this beauty, to be reminded of God’s promises in such a tangible way, we must turn toward, not away from, the darkness.” Katie Davis Majors  

This book has wrecked my ideas of God and brokenness. Sometimes, God chooses not to answer our prayers the way we want. It’s hard to trust God. It’s even harder to trust in His perfect timing. We often want what we want right now.

Often, He meets us in our mess and even in our doubts and says wait. It takes a lot of bravery to hope that God will say yes, but He might say no. It’s okay to be broken. This world is messy. Tragedy happens, unspeakable things occur, hearts break, but God’s not done with us yet.

 “He uses the bending and the breaking and the dying to prepare the harvest, to prepare more for us. We reach high to the Son and He comes down and pulls us closer. We lift our heads to Him in awe and we know that there might be hard the corner but we can look expectantly even to the bowing and the breaking, even the death of all we have planned, because we know in Him there will always be more” Katie Davis Majors 

So we dare to hope because God has shown His faithfulness. We see God’s provision. He hears our cries. He weeps for us and our suffering. He walks beside us in the midst of hardships. We dare to hope because He is still on the throne.

When Being Brave Means Letting Go.

Posted on by fearlessatheart

I chose to be audacious this year.

I determined to be recklessly brave even in the little things.

Brave. Courageous. Audacious.

The year of brave, my friend and I called it.

Only eleven months into my journey of being brave, and it has been such a wild ride. I have learned to step out of my comfort zone, when the necessary action terrifies me. I knew it was not going to be easy, but I was not prepared for how scared or lonely I would be at times. I experienced the beauty in being vulnerable with someone and allowing myself to love him. I wrestled with the heartbreak that comes when that relationship ends, even if it is the best thing for both parties. I started a new job-one that pushed me out of my comfort zone.  I discovered a love for the city that I moved to as I chose to stay and invest in my community. Bravely, I strived to reclaim my dreams that I unintentionally put aside.

This year of being brave challenged me, even scared, me, but naively, I believed I would still hold some control over my life and the changes that were about to occur.

 Silly me, I had no control.

The past couple of months have been stock full of good and hard changes, but my head could not wrap its head around the fact that life would be vastly different.

The array of emotions that flooded into the life I started to make in Akron surprised me-the celebration of being established in an apartment, starting a new job, settling into new friendships, and relinquishing claims on old relationships.

To fully settle into my life during the transition, I needed to let go of a lot of things. I let go of a certain person as the relationship ended. Letting go of someone hurts even if it is the right thing to do. That person, who was once a major part of my life, was suddenly a stranger with history behind us.  Things would never be exactly the same. Letting go is extremely hard and the heart grieves what was lost, but it is a necessary part of moving on. Letting go of people, places, emotions, life stages-it is all hard and takes quite a bit of bravery.

I let go of a stage of life I would never return to. I would never again be a traditional college student. Losing that immediate community where I was known, loved, and cared for startled me. I needed to grieve the loss of that stage of life-of that community- as I step into the next one. As I take brave steps to build a new community, to be known by strangers and to be loved by my church.

I am not a novice at letting go-at transitions of life. My whole life has been a series of changes, and I have had a lot of practice saying goodbye to people and moving on. The practice does not make each new encounter easier. I may be good at change, but I still do not like it. Whenever the possibility of change or transition appears, I get nervous–scared-palms-sweaty, heart-racing, butterflies-my-stomach nervous–because the possibility of getting hurt terrified me. I want to run from the change and hold on to the stability that comes with the things that I know.

The leaves change colors and seasons changes which reminds me that there is beauty in letting the dead things go. Just as the trees let go of the old leaves so that new growth can occur, letting go of something leaves my hands wide open to welcome new things.  Every day, I learn to allow the space between where I want to be and where I am to inspire me and not terrify me. Moving forward into this new season, I am brave and choose to do things that make me happy-the things that give me life in the midst of chaos. I am discovering the things that make me—Sara Beth. I am rediscovering the things that remind me of the necessity of learning how to stay put and invest in the community rather than running from the transitions.

Freedom shows up in being able to let go of the emotions and feelings that have been weighing heavily on my heart over the past couple months as thing after thing in my life changed.

Joy presents itself as I reclaim my wildness-rediscovering the passions and desires that God has placed in my heart.

Bravery exists as I lay the messy emotions and transitions at the feet of a loving God who gathers me into his lap whispering “I love you” in my ear.

Toxic Thoughts

Posted on by fearlessatheart

I have this very bad habit of lying to myself.

I get caught up in my head, allowing negative thoughts about my abilities, capabilities and attributes to weave themselves into my life.

“You are not good enough or pretty enough.”

“You cannot do that.”

“Well, that was only because you kept bothering them that they decided to hang out. “

“See, you do not know as much as you think you do.”

“They probably do not want to hang out with you.”

“Do not even try because you will fail.”

These lies feed my insecurities and sideswipe my desire to be brave. I begin to second guess my abilities and get caught up in a downward spiral, continuing to believe the statements in my head.

It doesn’t help that I am an over thinker which means that I often read too much into my actions and the actions of others. These toxic thoughts hold me back from being brave, as they affect my ability to be bold in the face of new challenges and fill me with a fear of failure.

The past couple weeks have been a constant battle as the lies fill my overwhelmed soul trying to convince me that I have no idea what I am doing, that I will not fit in, and that I will never be good enough.

I hate failing or doing things that I know I will probably fail at, so it has been so much easier to hide behind my toxic thoughts than to step out bravely and possibly fail at making new friendships, adulting, or even my new job.

In the quiet times I had, I allowed the lies to continue to weave into my thoughts so rather than the quiet being refreshing, it became unbearably lonely.

Ashamed, I admit that I failed at living audaciously because I allowed my fearful thoughts to trap me into being afraid of leaving the security of my comfort zone.

I failed—t he exact reason I clung to my comfort zone in the first time.

Recently, I was challenged to play a simple game of musical chairs. Initially, I adamantly refused.

I refused because I knew I would fail (Musical chairs is not on my list of accomplishments in life).

In my hesitation, I was asked to step out of my comfort zone. My go to response was to blurt out that I step out of my comfort zone all the time. As I began to think about it, I realized that I truly have not been as good at stepping out of my comfort zone as I believed myself to be.

Selfishly, I have always hated doing things that I knew I would fail at. If I was not good at it, I would run the other direction, playing it safe. In the same way, during all the change, I tried to cling to all the things and relationships that were comfortable rather than branch out and establish new routines and friendships.

News flash, I will most likely fail at something or even maybe everything. I cannot simply stay stationary in hopes that I will succeed.

The thoughts that hold me captive in fear of not being enough are lies that need to be rebuked and pushed out of the way.

Instead, I should be combatting them with empowering thoughts which fill me with life.

“You can do this.”

“You are enough.”

“You are beautiful.”

“You may fail, but you will learn how to do it better.”

“You are loved.”

These are the words and phrases that I need to weave into my soul until they begin to sink into my heart as truth.

Somehow, it is always so much easier to speak these truths over other women and people, than it is to speak them over myself.

My challenge to myself through this transition is to remind myself that I am brave, confident and fearless in the face of these lies that attempt to penetrate my happiness.

As well, you, reader, are brave. You are confident. You are enough. God created you with a purpose in mind. Yes, you will probably fail at something, but do not let the fear of failing keep you from stepping out into the world. You are loved.