Tag: beauty

Atlas’s Birth

Posted on by fearlessatheart

Here’s the details of Atlas’s birth. Some of you probably know bits and pieces of it but I wanted to write/remember the entirety of it so here it is. You all didn’t really ask for it, but here you go.

I was diagnosed with preeclampsia without severe effects around 35 weeks of pregnancy. Basically it was just high blood pressure but it was enough that they moved up my C-section date. I decided to go with a C-section initially because of the screws in my pelvis from my car accident. Anyways, my doctor wanted to do the c-section because of my high blood pressure at 37 weeks but she was ok as long as nothing severely changed waiting until 37 weeks and 6 days. Fast forward to my last prenatal appointment before my scheduled C-section. My blood pressure was up so they sent me over to labor and delivery for labs. One of the labs was elevated so they decided to keep me overnight for observation with the plan for the section the next morning but with the knowledge that if anything changes overnight they would most likely end up taking him out. 

We ended up having a decent night at the hospital even though the meds they gave me to sleep made me jittery and they were waking me up every couple of hours to do vitals and non stress tests to monitor the baby. The C-section went as planned the next morning and Atlas Kane Strader was born at 958 weighing 6lbs 9 ounces. After they took care of him and closed me up, we were on our way to recovery. Atlas’s temperature was a bit low so the nurse ended up checking his sugar. It was only 21 and they typically like it to be over 60. They gave him the yummy glucose gel after they got some blood. The lab test showed a sugar of 18. He ended up getting some donor milk because my milk hadn’t come in yet. Then started the process of me pumping every couple of hours to give him what I had pumped plus donor milk after they drew his blood sugar. All this was happening while the anesthesia and spinal was wearing off and my incision was starting to hurt more. There was just a lot going on but I felt super supported by the doctors and nurses. 

Fast forward to about 4 am. Atlas was due for a feeding so the nurse got a blood sugar before. It read 39. I was in the process for feeding him the little bit I had pumped when the nurse came back and said that the lab test came back at 24 and the doctor wanted him started on IV dextrose. I knew and had worked with the pediatric doctor on but nothing prepared me for the amount of fear I had in turning my baby over to the nurse. I knew the doctor had Atlas’s best interests at heart and was really good, but it was my heart outside my body that I was handing over. He ended up staying in the special care nursery all Wednesday through Thursday morning. 

Shortly after he was taken to the nursery, my nurse helped me figure out how to walk to the bathroom by myself and took out my catheter. Now I was free to visit my baby in the nursery whenever I could. We ended up being in the hospital I total of 4 days after the C-section. The birth in and of itself wasn’t traumatic but the weird unexpected things that happened after threw me for a loop. In that though, I can see God’s hand in everything from giving the recovery nurse the premonition to check a blood sugar to the proactiveness of the whole team involved to care for both our physical needs and emotional needs as my hormones are going haywire being separated from my baby.

Atlas Kane has lived up to his name as a warrior from the very beginning of his beautiful life. May he continue to live up to his name and fight for the One who created him.

Social isolation, Self-care, and Birthdays

Posted on by fearlessatheart

My birthday is in 4 days and it’s a bit of a downer. I have to grow up and pay for my own insurance (I’m not intending to sound privileged but that’s the current reality of my life and it’s not the hardest thing or worst thing). The world is also shut down so there’s that.

Anyways, I turn 26 in 4 days, and here are a few things I’ve learned in the midst of a global pandemic.

 

  • Life is not all sunshine and roses and that’s ok.

 

Life is a mix of rainy days and sunshine. You can’t have one without the other. If you choose to fixate only on the good days and ignore the bad, then you are deluding yourself. But if you focus on only the bad, then you are also deluding yourself. What’s that saying, ‘Not every day is good, but there is good in every day”. Or something like that. Bottom line. It’s okay to not be okay sometimes. Life is not always ok, but it rarely ever stays there.

 

  • People matter. 

 

Yes, the correct term is social distancing but for some people, it turns into social isolation. Just be aware that some people aren’t quarantined with the ones they love so social distancing means they have very little social interaction. Reach out to the people you know. Write a note. Let them know that they aren’t forgotten in the midst of this.

 

  • You can’t choose the cards you’ve been dealt, but you can choose what you do with that.

 

This goes both ways. You can’t choose the negative things that happen to you-like in my case a car accident that changed my life. But you also can’t choose the good things that happen-like me not dying. You choose-positively or negatively-what to do with what you’ve been handed. You are not a victim of your circumstances, but rather acknowledge them for what they are and move on from that.

 

  • Self-care is uber important.

 

A lot of people, past me included, think they have life together, but I’ve learned that I don’t have to have it all together all the time. What a relief! I need to take care of myself. I’m learning that lesson again and again. I had the mentality that getting all better meant that I would have infinite energy and would be able to everything I used to. I was wrong. The idea in my head of how much energy I had is probably exaggerated and if it was right, it was honestly only a matter of time before I crashed in life. I probably was lucky I literally crashed my car. Just kidding, but in reality, I’ve learned a lot about listening to my body and resting so I can be the best version of myself. Self-care is offering people you love the best of you rather than the leftover parts of you.

 

  • Light always comes after dark.

 

It’s tempting to think this-the way the world is right now-will never end. But It will end, someday. The sun never ceases to rise again.

 

  • Yes, it can stink to celebrate my birthday in the midst of a lockdown, but the people closest to me are findings ways to still make me feel loved and cherished. Plus, it’s a cliche but I’ll seriously never take another birthday for granted because I truly am blessed to be alive today.

 

These are just a few thought about the state of the world and birthdays is social distancing. Thanks for listening to my thoughts and do your part to help this end soon.

Airplanes and other flying things

Posted on by fearlessatheart

There is just something about taking off in an airplane.

There’s nothing quite like take-off.

You feel the momentum mounting under the souls of your feet. 

The plane starts to speed up, the energy building up and then you feel it take off from the ground and start to soar. That’s how I feel like these last six to eight months with God were. Here’s a few things that God has been indwelling in my heart recently with my move to hospital nursing, the Dominican Republic, and the pandemic.

 

  • God is here. He’s in the breeze and the rain. He’s in the quiet moments. He’s still there even though you think He’s absent. He’s there in the midst of chaos offering a nugget of peace if we choose to cling to Him. In some of the darkest moments and some the lightest recently, I recognized that God is still there even though I can’t see Him.
  • Smiles are the same in any language. Recently, I went to the Dominican Republic. We ran a clinic. I know a little bit of Spanish, but it warmed my heart that I could communicate God’s love simply through a smile as I was taking the person to see the doctor. God’s love abounds in those who allow it to permeate through them. I hope I am the hands and feet of Jesus in my daily life not just of mission trips to the DR.
  • Never underestimate the power of a well-placed kind word. We are all stressed out to the max-especially since the pandemic. We are all afraid of the unknown and then our bent is to lash out because we are afraid. In that case, a kind word means so much more because every word surrounding that is angry, fearful words. When people are hurting, a kind word is like a lifeline of hope. Be that lifeline of hope.
  • It’s okay to not be okay. I feel like this is a lesson I learn time and time again. I just recently had to deal with this mentality. I was coming back from the DR and I got a migraine. It knocked me down for a little while and I realized that I need people in my life. I need people to bring me food when I’m not feeling well enough to go to the cafeteria to eat. I don’t have to have it all together all the time-but I need to accept that I’m not okay all the time. God holds me up in those times and surrounds me with people that hold my arms up.
  • Those who say they can and they can’t are both right. There’s a fine line between accepting limitations and just sitting on my butt and complaining. A year ago, I chose to sit on my butt and accept where I was then, I wouldn’t be here today. I wouldn’t be dating the love of my life and I wouldn’t be loving on little and bigger humans at the hospital. It took a lot of brave small steps to get me to when I am today, but I think if I didn’t have people reinforcing the idea that I can do it. I couldn’t do it without them.

12.17.2016

Posted on by fearlessatheart

3 years.

This season is emotional. As the anniversary of my almost death-my life change-comes close I’m just a mess of emotions.

Let me just be honest.

Today was great but I was an emotional mess this afternoon-it was irrational.

BUT GOD.

ABBA-my favorite name for God-knew that I needed cocooned in His arms. He knew that I needed my small group of girls hugs. He knew that I needed Him.

I’ve learned a lot throughout my life, but here are just a few nuggets that, as the 17th roles around, feels a little more applicable.

 

  • God is “ABBA”.

 

The reason why I love this name of God so much is that I love the picture it brings to my mind. A picture of God standing with open arms as I run towards Him. He catches me and picks me up while twirling me around and around. I love that picture. A picture of a God that rules the world yet cares about the littlest thing that is bothering me. 

 

  • People can hurt you, but just because they can, all of them won’t.

 

This one is a lesson I’m still processing through. Throughout my life, letting people in has always been a struggle. I mean letting people into my core-the core of who Sara is. I have layers like an onion, and I learned the lesson of transparency without vulnerability. Let me explain that. I learned how to peel back enough that people were convinced that I was transparent but there was no real risk of me getting hurt. I worked through that and finally made progress and let a few people in. Then the accident happened, and I’m back at square one. I lost myself and figured that I was “too much” for someone to love. A person simultaneously proved that I was worth investing in and crushed my idea that I would ever find love. Then, enter God. God brought a certain person into my life as a friend and I was skittish. I liked him but I figured he would leave. I didn’t want to let him in, because I was afraid of the mess I would be if he did leave. We were friends and then he wormed his way into my heart. He was there. He stayed and who knows what the future holds, but he has taught me that it is possible to open your heart again. I love him for that simple fact and who he is. In opening your heart, there’s always the risk of hurt, but just because they can, doesn’t mean they will.

 

  • Nothing-no person-is a coincidence.

 

I don’t believe anything is a coincidence. I don’t believe that I was hired at MCS of a whim. I believe that I was there for a specific reason. I don’t believe God brought people in and took people out of my life for a reason. Each person I’ve interacted with over the years has shaped me into who I am today for better or for worse. 

 

  • My story is about more than just me.

 

My story while it directly impacts my day to day life, is not simply about me.  This life is about more than my happiness. It’s about God’s redemption of ALL humanity. If God uses me and my story to fulfill his purposes, then all the trauma will be worth it.

 

  • God is not afraid of emotions.

 

If I have learned anything in the past three years, I’ve learned that it’s okay to not be okay for a while, but I can’t stay there. I can’t pitch my tent in the mire and live there. I can visit there. There have been times that I pop right out of the hole, and there have been times where I have needed my brother or parents to give me a swift kick to the bottom (metaphorically) to propel me out of the hole. Love isn’t simply codling but love is telling someone the truth with grace. Two years ago, I hit rock bottom. Life didn’t look anything like I thought it would, and I dug myself a house down in the mire and was planning on staying there indefinitely. 

BUT GOD. 

God in his grace-oh sweet grace-didn’t let me camp there. He put people in my life to give me that swift kick in the butt that I needed, Oh it was hard. There were lots of tears as I lamented what was and could have been. I wrestled with insecurity, I made molehills into mountains, and I surrendered into God’s will. I’m not perfect at this in any means. I still am not quite there yet, but at least I’m not still where I was.

I don’t know what your story is-who has hurt you, what trauma has happened to you-but I do know that there is an ‘abba’ who loves you more than you could ever know. Here’s to believing that God has got this.

Embrace Your Messy Hair

Posted on by fearlessatheart

I’ve been blessed with my messy curls.

I used to not like them. I wanted blonde, straight hair like my friends. It wasn’t until college that I started to embrace my curls.

Now I wouldn’t trade my curls for anything, but I’ve learned how to manage the crazy.

Here are a few tips and tricks that I use manage my messy, crazy and wonderful hair. I’m by no means an expert. These are just some things that have worked for me and so I thought I would share.

  1. Don’t brush your hair.

That sounds weird to say but with curly hair it’s not a good idea to brush your hair and NEVER brush it dry. Brushing your hair damages the curls and increases the frizz.

2. Dry shampoo is my favorite friend.

I don’t wash my hair but twice a week (I see your face). It’s not as gross as it sounds. If my hair is visibly dirty, I wash my hair but washing it too frequently takes the natural oils away. It dries it out and makes it more frizzy. Because I don’t wash my hair that frequently, dry shampoo makes it fresher without all the work of actually washing my hair.

3. You can try your hardest to control it, but in the end, it’s just going to do its thing. Accept it. Embrace it.

My state of mind got better when I decided not to fight against my hair. Instead of me freaking out because my hair will do its own thing regardless of how much time I put into doing it. Im learning to take an “it is what it is” attitude with my hair. I mean 9 times out of 10 when I feel like my hair looks awful, someone else is thinking it looks good.

4. Condition. Condition. Condition.

The thing about curls is that you have to keep them hydrated. Conditioner reduces the frizz and keeps your curls looking controlled and defined.

These are just a few tips and tricks that help me embrace my messy and crazy hair.