Tag: content

Social isolation, Self-care, and Birthdays

Posted on by fearlessatheart

My birthday is in 4 days and it’s a bit of a downer. I have to grow up and pay for my own insurance (I’m not intending to sound privileged but that’s the current reality of my life and it’s not the hardest thing or worst thing). The world is also shut down so there’s that.

Anyways, I turn 26 in 4 days, and here are a few things I’ve learned in the midst of a global pandemic.

 

  • Life is not all sunshine and roses and that’s ok.

 

Life is a mix of rainy days and sunshine. You can’t have one without the other. If you choose to fixate only on the good days and ignore the bad, then you are deluding yourself. But if you focus on only the bad, then you are also deluding yourself. What’s that saying, ‘Not every day is good, but there is good in every day”. Or something like that. Bottom line. It’s okay to not be okay sometimes. Life is not always ok, but it rarely ever stays there.

 

  • People matter. 

 

Yes, the correct term is social distancing but for some people, it turns into social isolation. Just be aware that some people aren’t quarantined with the ones they love so social distancing means they have very little social interaction. Reach out to the people you know. Write a note. Let them know that they aren’t forgotten in the midst of this.

 

  • You can’t choose the cards you’ve been dealt, but you can choose what you do with that.

 

This goes both ways. You can’t choose the negative things that happen to you-like in my case a car accident that changed my life. But you also can’t choose the good things that happen-like me not dying. You choose-positively or negatively-what to do with what you’ve been handed. You are not a victim of your circumstances, but rather acknowledge them for what they are and move on from that.

 

  • Self-care is uber important.

 

A lot of people, past me included, think they have life together, but I’ve learned that I don’t have to have it all together all the time. What a relief! I need to take care of myself. I’m learning that lesson again and again. I had the mentality that getting all better meant that I would have infinite energy and would be able to everything I used to. I was wrong. The idea in my head of how much energy I had is probably exaggerated and if it was right, it was honestly only a matter of time before I crashed in life. I probably was lucky I literally crashed my car. Just kidding, but in reality, I’ve learned a lot about listening to my body and resting so I can be the best version of myself. Self-care is offering people you love the best of you rather than the leftover parts of you.

 

  • Light always comes after dark.

 

It’s tempting to think this-the way the world is right now-will never end. But It will end, someday. The sun never ceases to rise again.

 

  • Yes, it can stink to celebrate my birthday in the midst of a lockdown, but the people closest to me are findings ways to still make me feel loved and cherished. Plus, it’s a cliche but I’ll seriously never take another birthday for granted because I truly am blessed to be alive today.

 

These are just a few thought about the state of the world and birthdays is social distancing. Thanks for listening to my thoughts and do your part to help this end soon.

Airplanes and other flying things

Posted on by fearlessatheart

There is just something about taking off in an airplane.

There’s nothing quite like take-off.

You feel the momentum mounting under the souls of your feet. 

The plane starts to speed up, the energy building up and then you feel it take off from the ground and start to soar. That’s how I feel like these last six to eight months with God were. Here’s a few things that God has been indwelling in my heart recently with my move to hospital nursing, the Dominican Republic, and the pandemic.

 

  • God is here. He’s in the breeze and the rain. He’s in the quiet moments. He’s still there even though you think He’s absent. He’s there in the midst of chaos offering a nugget of peace if we choose to cling to Him. In some of the darkest moments and some the lightest recently, I recognized that God is still there even though I can’t see Him.
  • Smiles are the same in any language. Recently, I went to the Dominican Republic. We ran a clinic. I know a little bit of Spanish, but it warmed my heart that I could communicate God’s love simply through a smile as I was taking the person to see the doctor. God’s love abounds in those who allow it to permeate through them. I hope I am the hands and feet of Jesus in my daily life not just of mission trips to the DR.
  • Never underestimate the power of a well-placed kind word. We are all stressed out to the max-especially since the pandemic. We are all afraid of the unknown and then our bent is to lash out because we are afraid. In that case, a kind word means so much more because every word surrounding that is angry, fearful words. When people are hurting, a kind word is like a lifeline of hope. Be that lifeline of hope.
  • It’s okay to not be okay. I feel like this is a lesson I learn time and time again. I just recently had to deal with this mentality. I was coming back from the DR and I got a migraine. It knocked me down for a little while and I realized that I need people in my life. I need people to bring me food when I’m not feeling well enough to go to the cafeteria to eat. I don’t have to have it all together all the time-but I need to accept that I’m not okay all the time. God holds me up in those times and surrounds me with people that hold my arms up.
  • Those who say they can and they can’t are both right. There’s a fine line between accepting limitations and just sitting on my butt and complaining. A year ago, I chose to sit on my butt and accept where I was then, I wouldn’t be here today. I wouldn’t be dating the love of my life and I wouldn’t be loving on little and bigger humans at the hospital. It took a lot of brave small steps to get me to when I am today, but I think if I didn’t have people reinforcing the idea that I can do it. I couldn’t do it without them.

PRESENT

Posted on by fearlessatheart

I’ve participated in the OneWord movement for a couple years. The idea is to prayerfully find a word that is to be the focus of the next twelve months. 

My word for 2020 is PRESENT.

Present (adj) means: now existing or in progress, being in view or at hand and existing in something mentioned or under consideration.

My hope for this year is that I learn to be present right where I am. Over the last 3 years, I’ve learned how to be brave, how to live in expectation, and finally how to put my anchor down exactly where I am. In the past 3 ½ years post-college, God has gone over and beyond my wildest dreams. He has burst and continued to burst out of the box I place him in. 

This year, I want to be present in my life-my work, my small group of girls, my family. 

This year, I want to future elaborate on the idea of putting my anchor down and become present-smell the roses so to speak.

 

  • Celebrate the little joys.

 

Stop and smell the roses. Life is not all about the stuff you can accomplish and how much you can do. You miss a lot if you simply live life for the fast pace. You miss out on the sunrises and sunsets, the smiles of kids’ faces, and the smell of the ground before it rains. Life is more than the business of life. It’s about the moments between. 

 

  • Listen more graciously.

 

Listen to just listen, not simply listen to respond. Sometimes, people just simply need someone to listen to them. They don’t need someone to fix it, but to acknowledge that it’s hard. They just need to know that they are seen and loved.

 

  • Listen to my body.

 

It sounds weird to acknowledge that sometimes I sleep for 14 hours. One way I can be present in my life is to listen to my body so I can be the best me. I can’t be truly present if my brain isn’t clear. If I need to sleep for 14 hours so be it. If I crave chocolate, then I’ll eat it. The best thing for my brain and body is to balance rest and exercise.

 

  • Develop and savor little rituals.

 

Being present in the moment includes developing little rituals like waking up early to have coffee and spend one on one time with Jesus. These rituals help ground one to a place and people who you include in those rituals. 

 

  • Put down my phone.

 

I want to be remembered for more than just my presence on social media. I want to be remembered for my smiles and hugs and my encouraging words. I want to be remembered for my presence in my life and my dear friends’ lives.

Here’s to living and learning how to be present in my life and others.

 

 

 

 

 

12.17.2016

Posted on by fearlessatheart

3 years.

This season is emotional. As the anniversary of my almost death-my life change-comes close I’m just a mess of emotions.

Let me just be honest.

Today was great but I was an emotional mess this afternoon-it was irrational.

BUT GOD.

ABBA-my favorite name for God-knew that I needed cocooned in His arms. He knew that I needed my small group of girls hugs. He knew that I needed Him.

I’ve learned a lot throughout my life, but here are just a few nuggets that, as the 17th roles around, feels a little more applicable.

 

  • God is “ABBA”.

 

The reason why I love this name of God so much is that I love the picture it brings to my mind. A picture of God standing with open arms as I run towards Him. He catches me and picks me up while twirling me around and around. I love that picture. A picture of a God that rules the world yet cares about the littlest thing that is bothering me. 

 

  • People can hurt you, but just because they can, all of them won’t.

 

This one is a lesson I’m still processing through. Throughout my life, letting people in has always been a struggle. I mean letting people into my core-the core of who Sara is. I have layers like an onion, and I learned the lesson of transparency without vulnerability. Let me explain that. I learned how to peel back enough that people were convinced that I was transparent but there was no real risk of me getting hurt. I worked through that and finally made progress and let a few people in. Then the accident happened, and I’m back at square one. I lost myself and figured that I was “too much” for someone to love. A person simultaneously proved that I was worth investing in and crushed my idea that I would ever find love. Then, enter God. God brought a certain person into my life as a friend and I was skittish. I liked him but I figured he would leave. I didn’t want to let him in, because I was afraid of the mess I would be if he did leave. We were friends and then he wormed his way into my heart. He was there. He stayed and who knows what the future holds, but he has taught me that it is possible to open your heart again. I love him for that simple fact and who he is. In opening your heart, there’s always the risk of hurt, but just because they can, doesn’t mean they will.

 

  • Nothing-no person-is a coincidence.

 

I don’t believe anything is a coincidence. I don’t believe that I was hired at MCS of a whim. I believe that I was there for a specific reason. I don’t believe God brought people in and took people out of my life for a reason. Each person I’ve interacted with over the years has shaped me into who I am today for better or for worse. 

 

  • My story is about more than just me.

 

My story while it directly impacts my day to day life, is not simply about me.  This life is about more than my happiness. It’s about God’s redemption of ALL humanity. If God uses me and my story to fulfill his purposes, then all the trauma will be worth it.

 

  • God is not afraid of emotions.

 

If I have learned anything in the past three years, I’ve learned that it’s okay to not be okay for a while, but I can’t stay there. I can’t pitch my tent in the mire and live there. I can visit there. There have been times that I pop right out of the hole, and there have been times where I have needed my brother or parents to give me a swift kick to the bottom (metaphorically) to propel me out of the hole. Love isn’t simply codling but love is telling someone the truth with grace. Two years ago, I hit rock bottom. Life didn’t look anything like I thought it would, and I dug myself a house down in the mire and was planning on staying there indefinitely. 

BUT GOD. 

God in his grace-oh sweet grace-didn’t let me camp there. He put people in my life to give me that swift kick in the butt that I needed, Oh it was hard. There were lots of tears as I lamented what was and could have been. I wrestled with insecurity, I made molehills into mountains, and I surrendered into God’s will. I’m not perfect at this in any means. I still am not quite there yet, but at least I’m not still where I was.

I don’t know what your story is-who has hurt you, what trauma has happened to you-but I do know that there is an ‘abba’ who loves you more than you could ever know. Here’s to believing that God has got this.

Behold Our God

Posted on by fearlessatheart

Behold Our God.

 

To be honest, we sang this song this morning.

I was undone. 

I pictured God-the Creator of the Universe-seated on His throne in all its grandeur, but still caring about my small, minuscule dream to return to hospital nursing.

I pictured how blown away and astonished the disciples were to see Jesus standing in front of them after 3 days before they had seen him broken and beaten, hanging on the cross.

Overwhelmed, I sang “You will reign forever (Let Your glory fill the earth)” 

I was overwhelmed by God in that oftentimes, I show up to the throne room with a list of requests and petitions.

 

“God, can you……”

“If you love me, you’ll….”

“God, please,….”

 

I forget to simply just let Him be God. I was overwhelmed this morning-to the point of tears-realizing that even though the past couple weeks were hard, God had in grand ways answered all the prayers of my soul-even the ones I dared not utter out loud.

He opened (and continues to open) doors for me to go back to hospital nursing.

He brought someone into my life to calm my anxious soul and who pursues me with such grace and patience. This special person encourages my seemingly crazy thoughts and pursuits as I strive to figure out this new Sara that he loves.

He showed me my corner of the world and made me realize that Mansfield needs Him just as much as the places I’d dreamed of. He didn’t take them off the table, but rather He changed my heart and eyes to see Him in the seemingly mundane.

This is the God that I worship. 

This God who is seated grandly on His throne in heaven, but still cares about the seemingly minuscule desires of my heart.

This God-who is Creator of the Universe-deserves to simply be beheld in all His glory.

“Behold our God seated on His throne

Come, let us adore Him

Behold our King! Nothing can compare

Come, let us adore Him!”

 

This is something I was reminded to make time for. Time to just bask in the awesomeness of God. Time to sit at His feet and worship Him for all the things He has done and will do.

If you need me, I’ll be over here overwhelmed by the goodness of God. I’ll be over here beholding my God who as done over and beyond what I prayed and wished for.

4 Things to Learn in Waiting.

Posted on by fearlessatheart

Seasons. Blooming. Waiting. Growing.

These are words that have been pressing on my soul in these past months. 

 

“Your fear of the unknown has spoken so many things over you, but it has never spoken anything true. It has only led you into places that only lead to deeper fears, so how could it ever be a voice that you can trust? I hope that you can beyond to trust something greater, beyond your fears. I hope you can trust that Love is greater than any fear, no matter how hard it has been to see how Love is present here. Your fear of the unknown may continue to speak loudly, but may you always remember, it holds no truth, and it surely does not define you. Love speaks louder. Love always speaks louder.”

-Morgan Harper Nichols

 

I read this today, and it spoke to the very depths of my soul. I’m entering a new season with this fellowship, and it’s bringing all my insecurities and fears to the surface.

The past couple of months have been a season of waiting-waiting for God to move in certain areas. In this season-this waiting, striving, and thriving season, here are a few things that I’ve learned.

 

  • Jesus is enough. Jesus is enough to meet all your needs if you let Him. This is something I had to learn the hard way. After a pretty stressful day of thing after thing not working out, I was looking to my boyfriend and friends to fill that need when I should have been looking to Jesus. It’s not fair to them to expect them to meet those needs when they can’t meet it in totality. It just leaves me feeling let down and upset because it seems like they don’t care but in reality, they just don’t have the energy to meet my emotional needs. Jesus does. “God won’t let you down; He won’t leave you. Don’t be intimidated. Don’t worry.” Deu.31:8MSG
  • Waiting doesn’t mean you are stagnant. Waiting on God to move in a certain area means that you may not be moving in that area, but what about the other areas? In my case, I was waiting for God to move in the job front, I eventually figured out that I had more time to put roots into people and my anchor down into this place that was quickly becoming home. I started being more intentional with the people God had placed into my sphere of influence.
  • Rest is a needed skill. Making time for rest is a needed habit to cultivate into your life. If one can learn to instill this habit into their life now, then later when life picks up speed, it would be easier to maintain because the habit has already been established. It only takes two weeks for an ongoing decision to become a habit. 
  • Invest in your growth. This is a perfect time to read that book you have always been wanting to read or pick that hobby you’ve been dying to learn. This is a carved out and designated time to invest in yourself and growth.

 

So if you need me in the next couple of days, I’ll be relishing this time I have and learning to trust God in the midst of this unknown season.

Follow Me.

Posted on by fearlessatheart

Recently, I was studying Mark 1.  In this section, Jesus is calling the fishermen to be his disciples. Mark 1:17 states, “ Then Jesus said to them, ‘Follow Me, and I will make you fishers of men.” It struck me because God’s simple command is to follow him, right here, right now. I think we make it complicated in our romanticizing of missions and “going”. We figure if you receive “the call”, you have to be going somewhere exotic to tell people about Jesus. That aspect of the call is honest more exciting, but what about the community you are placed in? The people in your scope of influence? Don’t they need Jesus also? Why are they seemingly sidelined in the hopes of the more extraordinary option of going to say Africa and “saving” people?

I’m guilty of this-oh so guilty.

Growing up, my life was missions so I glorified it in my own mind. I wouldn’t have ever said that I glorified the nomadic lifestyle of living and loving people different than me in a different culture, but I think the fact that I choose nursing because it was the quickest way to get me out of America speaks for itself. I thought God could use me better in Africa or South America. In saying that, don’t hear what I’m not saying. I’m not saying that overseas missions isn’t important. I’m saying be careful about glorifying overseas missions in your own heart and loving on littles in a different country when you would overlook them if they were in your own city. I’m saying the people in Mansfield are hurting and need Jesus just as much as the people in Abuja, Nigeria.

I really had to wrestle with that because, after my accident, I really believed God took overseas missions off the table. I was mad at God because it wasn’t like my plans were wrong-they were glorifying God. I shook my fists at God, thinking and shouting, “Why? My goal was to make your name known.”  Last year, I had the opportunity to go to Ukraine and this past spring, I went to the Dominican Republic. Those were neat opportunities, but through them, I realized that I’m content right here, right now. God was changing my heart to follow Him not a dream of overseas missions. I don’t know when it happened, but God was changing my heart to see that the people here need to know the love of Jesus-that they are more loved than they would ever know-just as much if not more than the littles in Africa.

Maybe cross-cultural missions long-term is still in my future someday-I truly hope it is deep down-but right now, I truly am okay here. I never thought I would hear myself say that, but in the depths of my soul, I truly am content being here-right here-and loving the people God brings into my life. The occasional trip to the Dominican or wherever God leads is food for my soul, but this is my corner of the world right now.    God is doing big things in little Mansfield, Ohio and He’s simply asking me to “Follow Him.” So if you need me, I’ll be here, in my corner of the world, simply loving people as Jesus would.

Right Here, Right Now

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I’m just going to be 100% honest. I just got okay-deep in my soul-with being back in Mansfield.

In the first months after my accident, I fought God on several things and being back in Mansfield was one of them. I didn’t have a choice in moving back. My family and friends literally packed up my apartment and moved my stuff into my parent’s house while I was in the hospital. Granted, it was a special case in that I really couldn’t have taken care of myself. I couldn’t even walk by myself.

Nevertheless, I was mad at God.

I struggled to be content right here, right now, wishing I was anywhere but here. Last fall, I started this journey of being content recognizing that this is my corner of the world. I read Shannan Martin’s The Ministry of Ordinary Places last fall. This caught my eye. She writes, “God got busy shrinking the world as I knew it down to a pinhole, one solitary shaft of light. ‘The souls exists and is built entirely out of attentiveness,’ wrote Mary Oliver. Rather than feeling stuck in a problem-sodden world, I would never be able to fix, God was caring for my soul by pointing me towards my corner of it and asking me to believe it was enough”. That’s when I started to realize that instead of being upset at God for bringing me back, I needed to accept that he brought me back for a reason. He was asking me if this right here, right now would be enough. That challenged me. Was it enough? Could it be enough? If I were to stay in America, in Mansfield, Ohio, for the rest of my life, would that be enough? Would listening, loving, and pointing my small group girls toward God be enough? It’s not as extraordinary as helping starving orphans in Mexico or loving on kids in Africa. Would sacrificing sleep to love on a girl who may not know what that looks like be enough? I say I’m content and at peace with staying here-right here-indefinitely, but would that be enough?

It’s been a journey in getting to this place, and God has used several people to instill that into my head. I think the biggest one is the student God bought to MCS and my life. God put me right here, right now to let that sweet little boy not feel alone in that he isn’t the only one who has a traumatic brain injury. I am still blown away by God and how He orchestrated my being at the school at the exact time he started coming to the school. This solidified this idea that I’m right here, right now for a reason. So I don’t know what your story is: whether you aren’t working in the field you went to college for, or you may be in a different place than you thought you’d be, financially or physically. What I have learned in the past two years, I want to pass on to you:

 

  • You may not like where you are in life, but there are no coincidences with God. The situation may not be caused by God, but God can use that situation in others lives.
  • He brings people into your life and even takes them out for a reason.

 

 

School Nursing: It’s all about the ice pack

Posted on by fearlessatheart

This is coming on the end of my second year as a school nurse and oh what a year!

Here are a few things I learned in two years of being a school nurse.

  • Ice packs fix almost anything. I didn’t believe this but it’s true. Ice packs seem to be a magic fix.

I think what it boils down to is the littles just need to feel like something is being done and what better

way than to put ice on it.

  • Care is holistic. I’m not just there to fix upset stomachs, but to help in other areas. Physical

needs are a priority, but emotional and spiritual needs are also important. All aspects are interconnected.

If a little is upset about something at home, more chances than not, I’ll probably see them sometime that

day with an upset stomach. Sometimes all they need is a hug and to know that someone cares. The key

is time. If I perceive that they need a little TLC and have time to give them, I often give it to them with

regards to the teachers’ schedule.

  • Littles say the bluntest, sweetest things. They have no reservations when it comes to

asking things. I had one little ask me if I was married. I said no. She asked if I was planning on

getting married. I responded with, “that’s the plan eventually”. Her response was, “Tomorrow?”

I just internally laughed because she asked it with such a straight face. They’re not afraid to say

it like it is. They are also not ones to mince compliments so if they say “you’re the best “, they

mean it.

  • Sometimes, seasons are designed to push you but also let you heal. This season came when I

needed it the most. It allowed me to take the focus off myself and my problems for a while. I may not

have been able to fix my TBI on a grand scale but a littles stomachache or headache while working

on myself in different areas. I grew in SO many areas these past two years. It definitely pushed me out of

my comfort zone-in that it was like nothing I’ve ever done but it was also comfortable in that it was at my

alma mater.

  • Just because it’s not what you pictured yourself doing doesn’t mean it doesn’t matter. At the

beginning of the school year, I sat in my office hearing all the hopeful voices and I felt deep

down in my spirit that this was where I was meant to be but it was nothing like I pictured 2 years

ago. This was the perfect job for right now because it allowed me to still practice nursing without

all the stimulus and fast pace of hospital nursing. It gave me lots of little success that boosted my

self-esteem.

  • Never underestimate the power of a smile and listening ear. Half the time, littles are in my

office for a minor time but they just need to know someone is listening and cares. I treat their

pressing ailment and send them back to class with the option that if they can’t do it, they can come

back to the clinic. Often knowing they have that option reassures them, and they are good for the

day.

  • Littles give the best hugs. I definitely think in this season of my life I needed to hear that I’m needed and wanted. After something traumatic happens, you start to doubt yourself and wonder if you’re still a valuable member of society. Being at MCS showed me that I’m still valued as a human being and nurse. Recently, I saw a little outside of school, and she smiled shyly and waved. My heart simply melts every time I hear a little voice say “Miss Walthour”, see those bashful smiles, or receive those timid hugs.

Yes, it’s definitely not as fast paced as hospital nursing, but just as impactful on lives.

Anchors and Roots

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This idea of roots has been a topic of thought for years. Growing up, the idea of putting down roots was appealing. I was jealous of my friends who had lived in the same house, the same city, and with the same people.

The idea of staying in the same place was comforting (in theory).

The idea of staying vs. going has been a constant thought in my head. I argue with God over the logical nature of putting in roots, desiring to be a wanderer, not a stationary figure.

God challenges me back.

What is so wrong with staying put for the time being? What is wrong with putting down roots and allowing people to know you? Truly know the Sara I created you to be.

This is my corner of the world right here, right now

Recently, I wrestled with the idea of putting down roots here, because it seemed scary. I then discovered the idea of anchors.

Sailors use anchors to keep them in one location for the time being and then when they’re done, they pull up anchor and move on.

That’s a lot less scary than the idea of roots. I choose “anchor” as my word for the year. So far, I’m thriving is putting my anchor down here.

  • I’m loving my small group girls and enjoying watching them grow into the women God created them to be.
  • The little humans at school fill my happiness bucket with their soft smiles and energetic hugs.
  • The Starbucks Barista knows my name and my typical order.  

A friend and I were talking the other day about roots, and we realized that we put roots into people rather than places. I realized that was true in my life. After my accident, I had no problem remembering people, but places where a little fuzzy or not there at all. I was thinking about that.

What if I put roots into people and anchors into places?

That’s an interesting thought. You leave places, but people are just a phone call away. These a few people like my family that whenever they call, I drop everything and pick up the phone and I know they would do the same.

So here I am, figuring out how to put my anchor down in Mansfield. Here I am. Figuring how to put roots into my family, my boyfriend and my close friends. Here’s me, living my best life right here, right now and seeing  God move in big and small ways.